Friday, January 24, 2014

my open suggestions for future science fiction picture shows

Dear assholes
      it has recently come to my attention that disney has purchased Lucasfilm, i for one am exited for future releases of the much anticipated "Star Trek 7 The Wrath of the TARDIS" and i wanted to give some of my expert suggestions on how to not make it suck. My first suggestion is to put more hobbits in the film. I remember walking into Star Wars thinking that it was a fantasy movie. Turns out that i was wrong, when the credits finally rolled i was so disappointed that i stood up booed as loud as i could and threw my popcorn at the screen, I even had to be escorted out by the security and spend the night in jail. The phrase "THERE'S NO HOBBITS!!!", can still be heard in the theater. To prevent people from doing this i suggest that you:
1.) Replace all of the Ewoks with hobbits
2.) Replace all male characters with hobbits
3.) Replace all female characters with elves and constantly refer to them as "not as good as hobbits"
4.) Instead of being a space movie make it solely take place in Hobbiton
5.) Lastly rename it, "Hobbits in the hood"
These are just a few of my many suggestions to make your franchises fit my broad demographic, but if you like to disappoint fans then you don't have to.

i like hobbits

     I really like hobbits, they are cool as shit. They say that elves are the best race among men, but they are wrong. Elves don't live in holes like hobbits do, hobbits live in hobbit holes. Whenever they get to Rivendell in the books i say "FUCK YOU!!!" to Elrond because he is an elf and not a hobbit. Whenever i talk to people about hobbits they say "oh yeah Gandalf is pretty cool." and i agree with them thinking that they are talking about the band Gandalf, and since Gandalf isn't a hobbit he sucks. Gandalf doesn't suck as much as Strider or Gimli because he is a hobbit sympathizer and that somewhat makes up for not being a hobbit.